We do not regularly get professional photographs. We just take millions of pictures on our phones, like normal people. But a lot of our friends get professional photos every year, and have beautiful shots of their families to put on holiday cards and Instagram posts or whatever. And recently, a friend of a friend who is just starting out her photography business was looking for families to photograph for no charge. She would also come to our house or wherever we wanted to meet. Since the opportunity presented itself with no effort on our part, we thought, "Why not?"
I should say right up front, this fail has nothing to do with our photographer. She was lovely and very capable. It was all on us.
Our first mistake was not scheduling the photo shoot for the morning, when the girls are most likely to be in pleasant and cooperative moods. Instead, we scheduled for a Sunday afternoon. That morning, we went to a family brunch to celebrate Chris's ex-step-grandmother's 90th birthday. Junie was in heaven: she got to run around with her cousins and eat cake (frosting), and all kinds of sugary treats that relatives give to children they don't have to bring home with them.
Consistent with our standard practice, we left the party much later than we intended to, but still with enough time (we thought) for the girls to nap, so they could be well-rested for the afternoon photo session. Safe assumption, right? Wrong. Despite our pleading, singing, story-reading, etc., neither of them slept a wink.
I did manage to get them into clean clothes. I'm proud of that. But, by the time Annie the photographer arrived, Junie was crashing, deep into sugar-withdrawal from the morning binge. Both of them were overtired, crabby, and in no mood to sit still and smile. Also, Maizy suddenly had a huge scratch on her cheek from those razor-sharp baby fingernails (I swear I have to clip them every eight hours to keep her from turning into Wolverine).
Thoughtful poses and natural-looking smiles were out of the question, obviously. Mainly I was just hoping for a picture of the four of us together that wouldn't end up on a Buzzfeed slideshow of humiliating family photo bloopers, next to one where the whole family is wearing matching starter jackets and mullets.
So there we were, bouncing the baby, dangling shiny objects, throwing leaves into the air, and cheerfully (frantically) whispering "Maizy, look over here, what's this? WHAT'S THAT? MAIZY!" With Junie we had to resort to blatant treat-bribery and promises of post-photo television watching, just to keep her in the frame.
The poor photographer made a valiant effort to work in this--um--less-than-ideal artistic environment. And she did manage to get some really nice candid shots of the girls. But there is literally not a single photo where we were all looking in the same direction, let alone looking like a perfect, happy, carefree, loving family, just casually enjoying time together on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
Maybe next time.