You know those nightmare scenarios where you can see that something terrible is about to happen, but you're powerless to stop it?
The other day I had both girls at Junie's ballet school. Both Junie and I had to pee before her class, so we went into the family bathroom. She went first, of course, and we went through all of the usual public bathroom stuff -- "Don't touch anything. Please don't touch anything. Oh my God, do you really have to hold onto the seat? I don't think you're going to fall in. Are you done? Okay. Wash your hands. Please use soap. Here are the paper towels. Good job!"
Then it was my turn. I was mid-pee when I looked over and noticed Junie fiddling with the locked door. This has happened once or twice in a bathroom stall, but normally it takes her long enough to figure out how to unlock it that I can finish and it doesn't matter. Also, it's usually a STALL, within a bathroom full of women. This was a stand alone bathroom that opened into the lobby of her dance studio. So I started asking, ordering, pleading: "Do not open the door. Do you hear me? Do not open the door. Please don't open the door. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR."
But she's a four year old, and she wanted to peek into the lobby, and didn't understand why I cared so much. Of course she opened the door. When I saw that it was inevitable, I just hoped there would be no one in the immediate sight line of the toilet. But of course there was. I made direct eye contact with a dance dad who was sitting on the couch right outside. While I was sitting on the fucking toilet. He looked away, probably more embarrassed than I was, as I struggled to get over to the door and slam it shut.
So that was cool. Thanks, girl!
